Imagine the squeaky sucking sound and explosive pop a champagne cork makes when it blasts from the bottle. Now envision the noise a human eyeball makes when it’s freed from a tight socket after Wally Wilson inserts and turns the corkscrew, twists the orb and removes the unsightly sphere. Envision? Unsightly? Get it? Gross, don’t […]
From where white boy Jimmy Ray stood at the back of the nightclub dance floor he could see the two-tone couple glistening beneath the blue spotlight, dancing slowly, sweating, hardly moving pressed that tight against each other. In a dress that matched her pale freckled skin, the white woman confused Jimmy Ray by keeping her […]
News of the ceramic baby Jesus stolen from the church manger scene broke like five-dollar dinner plates in a drunken wedding anniversary argument. In the chilly aftermath, Big Mike’s words went viral, shooting off from his big Pittsburgh mouth like fireworks or foam from a shaken can of Iron City popped the day bosses at […]
“Where you going, old-timer?” “Home for Christmas.” “Need a ride?” “No, thank you, I’ll walk.” When Richard Arnold left the house at 8 a.m. Friday morning, he wore his good blue polyester sportcoat, a white shirt, tan dress slacks he bought at Sears before he retired, brown socks and black dress shoes he polished to […]
Fore! Taking a swig from the freshly opened bottle of Bacardi 151 rum left over from Christmas 2010, Brad Brigham leaned on a 4-iron like a cane and wiped his sun-cracked lips with the back of a liver-spotted hand. “Politically correct corporate hacks should have never discontinued this brand,” he said. “We’re not supposed to […]
