Trashiest Book Ever

The woman from Haddonfield, New Jersey, wrote to me on stationary decorated with sky blue and lilac butterflies.

“This is the trashiest book I’ve ever read…so much so I’d never pass it on to anyone else,” she wrote.

So she stuffed her copy in an envelope and sent it to me at my home address.

Such brilliant reviews for Paddy’s Day in Trump Town just keep rolling in.

My critic, who calls herself “a former Valley girl,” for some reason thinks she can purchase my latest novel, read it, wallow in the page droppings, ask for her money back and receive a full refund.

Try that the next time you gobble up an order of greasy chicken wings in Wilkes-Barre and leave the boney dregs on your plate.

Good fiction often leaves a smeared plate. You decide whether to suffer indigestion or enjoy satisfaction, something that even escapes Mick Jagger every now and then.

So what if she gave me the book back? If I drink a bottle of California pinot noir can I give the bottle back and ask for a refund?

The woman got even more devious.

“I’d like my $15.99 back, or just send the refund to Pennsylvanians for Human Life….”

Then she got snide.

“I’m sure one of your favorite charities,” she wrote.

I’ll keep her name out of this so she’s not embarrassed. The last name she goes by isn’t even Irish, but she apparently has a lot in common with the mindset of the Irish Guys white ethnic social club in my novel.

If I do change my mind and give her money to charity, her donation will go to Black Lives Matter. She ought to be thrilled that I’m giving to a real pro-life group and not some tribe of uncivilized religious zealots who try to terrorize women and ought to be put on a domestic totalitarianism watch list.

Granted, I did mention the anti-abortion crowd in the book. One Irish Guy drinks in a t-shirt bearing the slogan, “I’m Not A Choice I’m A Child” and, like in the book, I won’t be surprised if one day U.S. Sen Bobby Casey really does try to register fetuses to vote.

Our “Valley girl” made my day when she sent me her used copy of Paddy’s Day in Trump Town. Other readers are free to do the same. I’ll offer the returns at half price if the National Abortion Rights Action League, or NARAL Pro-Choice America, ever holds a local fundraiser.


Because Paddy’s Day in Trump Town is alive and well and I’m proud of it.