Shalom, Irish Guys

Do we have to like Jews, mayor?

What kind of question is that, Mikey?

I don’t know, I just don’t like them.

Me, neither, says Wilkes-Barre Mayor Spuds McAnus.

So I’m not wrong, says Mikey Hoyle.

Look, you’re vice president of the Irish Guys. I’m president. Irish Guys don’t have to like anybody.

Jesus, that’s a relief.

Why do you ask?

A shitload of Jews around town have Trump signs in their yards.

That’s because Trump moved the Israeli capital to JEW-rusalem.

Mikey and the mayor laugh.

Where was it before that?

New York, McAnus says.

But that doesn’t mean we’re on the same side as them, does it?

It means we’ll take their votes for Mr. Trump, the mayor says.

Mikey Hoyle gets nostalgic.

Remember before Eddie O died he said he never saw a Jew in Vietnam.

Not one, McAnus says.

Eddie O said that’s because their fathers were too busy making money off the war and pulled strings to keep their boys out of the draft.

The mayor pops another 16 oz. can of Guinness.

The Jews control media. They make up fake news. They take our money from the sports cable TV stations, too, says McAnus.

Hoyle gets agitated.

Do any Jews play football for Notre Dame?

The team’s mostly Black.

Remember when Raghib “The Rocket” Ismail from Wilkes-Bare played for Notre Dame and almost won the Heisman?

He was colored and a Muslim.

At least he wasn’t a Jew, Mickey Hoyle says.

Now McAnus gets agitated.

You know what Mr. Trump said about Jews sticking together. Not being able to trust them. Mr. Trump said all them skull cap wearers are good for is counting his money, McAnus says.

Mikey Hoyle puts on that baffled look he wears more often than he puts on a coat and tie.

So why does Trump like them?

His daughter married a Jew.

Can you imagine having to deal with such a thing?

I’ll bet if the truth be told Mr. Trump doesn’t like the grandkids, either, the mayor says.

So after we win we can go back to the way life was before.

Just like the good old days.

McAnus raises his Guinness can.

Here’s to the good old days.