A city police officer cutting through the courthouse parking lot for a smoke found Shannon Kelly on her back buried in a snow drift with her arms and legs stiff and extended like a bug caught in an icy slate sidewalk crack.
Frantic, he called in the corpse over the radio.
Deceased white female, dressed in a faux-fur coat, wearing red stiletto heels and a blue pageboy wig, the officer said.
She looks like Cher without the Cher, he said.
The supervisor sergeant who arrived on the scene immediately showed his investigative skill.
Wonder if she’s local?
I know her, sir. She’s Timmy Kelly’s sister, the patrolman said.
That goof from Minooka who’s running for mayor as a Joe Biden look-a-like?
One and the same.
We got a missing person report on him just the other day, the sergeant said.
Yeah, I heard from the chief’s secretary that Judge Dombroski called and demanded we work harder to find Kelly. The bigger news is that this gal is the judge’s girlfriend, the cop said.
Go on, Judge Dombroski is a Catholic.
So was JFK.
The judge is married, too, the sergeant said.
That didn’t stop Donald Trump.
I heard the judge and the president play golf together, the sergeant said.
My sister works in the courthouse and says Dombroski’s supposed to be at Mar-a-Lago now.
Looks like the judge got himself a nice fat alibi, the sergeant said.
Don’t they always?
Yeah, this crime scene looks like a Super Bowl party accident, anyway, the sergeant said. Drunken party girl, passed out on the crawl to the next bar and that’s all she wrote.
Who’s that across the street waving?
The ex-con former mayor who got the pardon from Trump?
The sergeant walked across the street to the federal building steps.
Nice to see you out and about, Harry.
What do you have over there?
Judge Dombroski’s girlfriend stiffer than frozen custard, the sergeant said.
You tell Dombroski yet?
The judge is in Florida, the sergeant said.
I hear the judge’s lady friend was a Biden supporter, Harry Davies said.
Go on, Dombroski’s with Trump all the way.
Knowing full well he got the police sergeant’s attention, Harry struggled to keep a straight face, Now the sergeant was asking questions.
You think this has something to do with the election?
Look at all the people the Clintons killed. Socialists are capable of anything. They even want to defund the police.
Dirty bastards, the sergeant said.
At that very moment, Judge Dombroski pulled back the venetian blind in his courthouse office and peeked out at the action unfolding on the Square. Recognizing the faux Persian curly lamb coat he bought Shannon last Valentine’s Day, he gasped. Then he breathed a sigh of relief. At least this year he didn’t have to worry about what to buy her for Valentine’s Day.
Staring hard at Harry Davies, the judge pointed his forefinger and raised his thumb in the shape of a make-believe pistol.
You’re next, he said.