Eating food conducive to a good life revolves around eating plants. Fish, cheese and eggs play a small part. Avoid meat at all costs – meaning beef, pork and poultry, including the “squeezings” such as chicken fat that pours form the poor cluckers ears when workers wring the birds’ scrawny little necks.
Today’s premier Sunday brunch recipe constitutes a preview of Eat Your Words, my upcoming cook book you will not see reviewed in local publications by hipster foodie know-it-alls or on CNN by corporate charlatans who still shove down our throats the phony lifestyle of a dead cook who hated his fans and from whom corporate shills still profit.
Today’s entrée is Corbettilla de Huevo Con Pollo Falsa y Vegetables Mucho Loco.
Pour a healthy Elbow Up (Culinarian term for pouring until your elbow points to the ceiling) amount of extra virgin olive oil into a large frying pan. Add three cloves of fresh finely chopped garlic. Sauté the smashed garlic until it browns and sizzles. Add finger-lickin’ fake chicken “ficken” chunks made from soy or gluten or any other commercial vegan brand. Omit feathers, gizzards, and any other part of a real fleshy plucked dead chicken.
Season and stir with smoked paprika. Add chili powder and cumin to taste. Remove “ficken” when brown. Drain in paper towels tucked into in a soup bowl nest. Add a new olive oil splash to the pan and pour in fresh chopped onions and celery pieces big or small to taste. Stir until desired softness or crispness. Crisp is best. Add one package of frozen yellow corn. Fresh kernels cut from the cob work if you want to stand by the stove for about two hours and blow the urgency of the recipe and the essence of this Pancho Villa-inspired culinary experience.
As you stir let the ingredients talk to you. Talk back. Mexican Spanish is best but English will suffice. Listen to what the vegetables say. Adjust heat during preparation depending on what the ingredients tell you.
Add drained “ficken.”
Add pitted black olives.
Place soft flour tortilla on microwavable plate and sprinkle with shredded cheese of choice. Place in microwave until cheese melts. Remove and pour vegetable and “ficken” concoction onto tortilla. Bend soft tortilla in half. Spoon spicy green salsa on the “burritta,” the term radical feminist chefs during the Mexican Revolution called all burritos.
Remember the Alamo!
Place leftovers in sealed container and refrigerate overnight. For the next day’s brunch – today’s preparation – brown vegan sausage links in medium frying pan. Add leftovers I call “Aztec remnants of a previous victory.” Stir until hot. Turn heat to low.
Mix three eggs with a good gulp of soy milk. Stir vociferously. Add eggs in separate frying pan heated with healthy butter substitute. Flip El Omelet when solid. Wipe up runny egg if necessary. Sprinkle shredded cheese of choice on El Omelet. Let cheese melt. Cut El Omelet in half.
Place two soft flour tortillas in folded paper towels and place in microwave for 20 or 30 seconds or until warm. Remove and put on plate. Put half of El Omelet Con Queso on each tortilla. Fold each tortilla in half.
Pour on remnants of previous edible victory.
Spoon on spicy green salsa.
Give thanks to Mexican saint and hero Jesús Malverde,
Never forget the Alamo.
The Mexicans won.