The dirty Russians are bombing Kyiv with missiles and destroying a children’s playground.

Terrible, you say.

Of course, it is.

The dirty Israelis are bombing Gaza and destroying a children’s playground.

KILLING THE CHILDREN, TOO.

Self-defense, you say.

You stand with Israel.

Tell me what I’m missing.

I can safely say “dirty Russians” because most Americans see the Russkies as aggressive butchers. If I say “dirty Israelis,” though, I’m anti-semitic, right?

Go ahead, tell me I’m anti-Semitic. Disagree with Zionism and you’re anti-Semitic. Criticize Israel and you’re anti-Semitic. The U.S. Congress says so.

That’s why my congressman Matt Cartwright works so very hard during the holiday season to make sure Israel gets all the Scranton made weapons they can get.  I didn’t say buy. I said get. Israel gets them for free. Same goes for weapons to Ukraine. We pay for them. What warmonger wouldn’t like a fully-loaded artillery shell for Christmas even if you don’t celebrate Christmas?

I know, I know. I’m making you uncomfortable.

You need a safe space.

Tell it to the kids in Gaza.

But your words are hurting people, Corbett, worse than missiles. You’re killing our self-righteous and oppressive nature as we ethnically cleanse all those dirty Palestinians calling for a sovereign state and homeland.

What’s the matter with you, Corbett?

Stop.

Stop.

Make him stop, Joe Biden. You’re from Scranton. Talk to him. Invite him to the White House New Year’s Eve party. Do something. Can’t Hunter talk to him? Jilly from Philly? Virginia McGregor?

OK, I’ll stop.

You stop bombing and I’ll stop criticizing Israel for bombing and killing children.

Who says I’m not a diplomat?