Invitations are going out faster than Russian mail-in ballots for Saturday’s Irish Guys pro-Trump rally at their local Wilkes-Barre pub.
Here’s what the invite says:
“NO MASKS ALLOWED.
“Show your support and your balls by packing the Coal Hole for a ‘WE SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT CLAMBAKE,’ an all-you-can-drink fund-raiser that includes beer and wine. Fifty-fifty tickets and punchboard gambling will be available.”
“SCREW THAT BUG. WE’RE NOT AFRAID OF NO COVID”
Coal Hole bartender Mikey Hoyle got excited.
Beer AND wine. I love that Mogan David blackberry wine.
Mogan David’s a Jew, Mayor Spuds McAnus said. President Trump said they’re only in it for themselves. They stick together. The president said the only kind of people he wants counting his money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.
So what wine are we serving?
MD 20/20. People call it Mad Dog but the MD really stands for made in Donegal. It’s better wine because it’s Irish.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: MD actually stands for Mogan David, the company that makes it.
Nothing better than us Irishmen sticking together, Hoyle said. You ever wonder why the President doesn’t drink?
His brother was a lush so the President’s setting a good example for the children, McAnus said.
Then what are we doing pounding down the drinks every day?
Enjoying our freedoms. Never forget freedom isn’t free.
What’s that even mean?
You pay for liberty. Ever hear of the cost of freedom?
No, Hoyle said.
Once you pay the price then it’s like an all-you-can-drink special.
And we paid the price?
We pay it every day.
Yeah, free beer! How many tickets we sell so far?
Three hundred. I made all the cops and firefighters buy them, McAnus said.
Where we getting the clams?
Dooley’s brother-in-law in Jersey knows a guy at the shore who can bring us up a truckload of the ones the restaurants didn’t want. There’s nothing wrong with them clams no matter what some illegal immigrant chef says.
I like mine on the half-shell, Hoyle said. Whadya think of Mr. Trump standing up there on the White House balcony saluting and struggling to catch his breath so he wouldn’t cry because he loves us so much.
I cried, McAnus said.
Me, too, Hoyle said.
We’re making America great again.
Yeah, it’s great.