Eating Ourselves Alive

Cannibals could have saved Joe Biden.

Gobbling up the President the way Biden hinted New Guinea cannibals ate his Uncle Ambrose Finnegan during World War II would have at least kept Biden from taking the CNN debate stage.

Democrats could have benefited from human meat-eaters, too. They wouldn’t have to worry about Biden’s name appearing on the ballot for re-election in November.

Now Democrats and Republican carnivores are circling the upcoming presidential election like vultures soaring over the White House.

My crude slob U.S. Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa.) even called out his colleagues as predators for turning on Biden after the octogenarian’s pathetic debate performance against former President Donald Trump.

“Chill the fuck out,” Fetterman wrote on X, formerly known as Twitter.

Yet few people can honestly argue Biden’s appearance last week showed the world anything better than a cracked shell of a former slick world leader. Biden stood open-mouthed and wide-eyed like an anile nursing home patient caught in the TV room with his pajama bottoms down.

Pathetic Biden vs. Pathological Trump?

America’s in more trouble than Biden’s missing Uncle Ambrose.

We’re eating ourselves alive.

Don’t blame me, I’m pescatarian.

Blame Scranton values.

As a former longtime Democrat who voted for Biden in 2020, I’ve warned Democrats about Biden for years. Two years ago I wrote a column for the national online magazine Gonzo Today titled “Don’t Run Again, Joe” in which I hit the nail and Biden’s hair plugs on the head.

But the public meltdown occurred long before Biden ambled onto the stage for the June 27 debate.

Biden mentioned his birthplace within seconds of his first response. The man Barack Obama called “the scrappy kid from Scranton” put his foot in his mouth within seconds of opening his yap (what many Scranton natives call a mouth).

“I come from Scranton, Pennsylvania,” Biden said. “I come from a household where the kitchen table – if things weren’t able to be met during the month was a problem. Price of eggs, the price of gas, the price of housing, the price of a whole range of things.

“That’s why I’m working so hard to make sure I deal with those problems. And we’re going to make sure that we reduce the price of housing. We’re going to make sure we build 2 million new units. We’re going to make sure we cap rents, so corporate greed can’t take over.”

Hip new loft apartments with granite countertops are all the rage in Scranton.

Yet even non-loft rent in Scranton is too high for the average Biden Street retail clerk or warehouse worker toiling in one of the dismal distribution centers greedy corporate millionaires erect throughout Northeastern Pennsylvania. Young working-class Scrantonians need truly affordable housing more than a misfiring robotic president.

Nobody’s capping anything in Scranton including an increase in homicides, homelessness, drug addiction and alcoholism. Nobody’s capping deaths of despair.

By the way, as Biden likes to say, maybe the biggest warehouse and commercial real estate mogul in Northeastern Pennsylvania is a convicted felon who served time in a federal prison for paying off judges who locked up kids for cash in adjacent Luzerne County.

When Biden left town with his family at 10 years of age, rents were cheaper for working-class people. Keep in mind blue-blooded Biden never spent a second of his privileged life as a true blue-collar worker. Lace curtain Irish pretender Biden came from money and political power. His great-grandfather served as a Pennsylvania state senator, for Christ’s sake. Biden’s beloved old Scranton neighborhood remains loaded with prep school snobs.

By-the-boot-straps myth defines Biden. That’s a big part of his problem. Wanting to be something he isn’t and never was will help destroy his well-crafted legacy once and for all. Blind party loyalty harms Biden far more than it helps. Misplaced political priorities add to what Democrats claim is an already collapsing system.

Biden’s advisors see what I see. They just won’t admit it. Waving from a stormy lee shore as Biden sails the ship of state into the cliffs, they cheer until the very end. Then they blame the rocks.

Tribalism defines Scranton politics. What elite pundits call “circling the wagons” means refusing to accept reality even when truth can be beneficial. Tribal dysfunction equals societal destruction. Those sacred Scranton values Biden claims to hold dear will shipwreck him and the rest of us, condemning constitutional democracy to an early grave.

Biden’s got to go as soon as possible.

Even with the best new presidential nominee Democrats can find, Trump will be difficult to beat. That’s why I predict Trump as America’s next president even if he’s elected from his prison cell which federal law allows. Tens of millions of voters will rush to the polls to vote for Trump in November because they hate the same people, places and things they believe he hates.

Countless conservative, fascist and off-the-rails voters hate Blacks, Browns, queers, drag queens reading books to children, women and “illegal aliens” whether they be Mexican, “Mooslum” or from Mars. Countless Trump voters are convinced Trump also despises these same “enemies of the people.” Don’t forget Trump has mocked Jews in the past. Countless Trump supporters mock Jews, as well. Countless Trump voters believe Hitler had some good ideas, too.

If the election comes down to Trump vs. Biden, Trump wins. Democrats will no doubt blame people like me who refuse to vote for Biden or any Democrat who has shored up Biden’s complicity in the Israeli genocide in Gaza.

Hey, hey, ho, ho, Scranton Joe has got to go. So do Fetterman, Zionist Biden apologist and Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro, U.S. Sen. Bob Casey, U.S. Rep. Matt Cartwright, Scranton Mayor Paige Gephardt Cognetti, state Sen. Marty Flynn and all the NEPA state reps.

Where are those cannibals when we need them?