What better way to exercise the rebellious spirit of the American Revolution and celebrate the 250th anniversary of our nation’s independence than by burning an American flag?

Nothing could cause MAGA conservatives, vanilla soft-serve Republicans and more than a few liberal Democrats to freak out worse than the incendiary thought of torching Old Glory. The mere idea of a modern-day Thomas Paine-in-the-ass-radical lighting up our sacred symbol of freedom drives groin-directed knee-jerk reaction more than any symbolic act of liberation that comes to mind.

Just how tough are we as a democracy? We the people seem to get weaker by the day. Greasy fried fast food controls our dietary weakness. Microaggression makes Gen XYZ sissies cry. Flabby, huff-and-puff out-of-shape military recruits can’t even pass already low-bar physical conditioning tests. Are we confident enough in our constitutional prowess to stand a true trial by fire? Can we handle the truth put forth in our Declaration of Independence and ignite the flag as raw yet pure political protest?

“Burn the Flag Day” pushes our national resolve more than the most grizzled battle-tested Marine drill sergeant ever could. Firing up the stars and stripes in a supremely legal and protected act of defiance to the political status quo sets the stage for good old-fashioned American fighting words, the ultimate mixed martial art of a gutsy constitutional republic.

Today is June 14, Flag Day, when a new breed of macho species will compete on a gaudy testosterone-loaded blood and guts stage erected on the White House grounds to host a gladiatorial spectacle of professional mixed martial arts (MMA) fights to coincide and celebrate President Donald Trump’s 80th birthday.

This savage display of barbarian bloodlust appeals to our devolving human species’ most inane and innate primitive instincts. Humans once took satisfaction in eating raw meat. Our 21st Century mutation of mostly rare flesh-eating men now wave the flag while beating their chests and domesticating their women, many of whom squeal with joy while the beasts sling them over a Neanderthal shoulder and carry them off to the cave. An increasing number of vicious bloodthirsty MMA women now also compete to show off their brawn in a twisted form of equality and emancipation.

True hardcore American guerrilla patriots of all genders, however, will burn the flag, turning Trump’s sad spectacle of brutal entertainment on its cauliflower ear by continuing to train to one day place a naked chokehold on the mercilessness of his violent Reich-style Administration.

Flag burners refuse to be put in a cage.

No silly lame look-at-me No King’s protest for these warriors. No megaprofit Bruce Springsteen concert loaded with predictable blue-collar protest songs from Springsteen’s ultra-privileged world of pampered, multi-million-dollar capitalism masquerading as blue-collar, working-class toughness. No too-cool-for-America’s-own-good Barack Obama, either.

“Burn the Flag Day” is born of white-hot insurgency, a nonviolent act of rebellion our Founding Fathers might approve as societal defense against Trump’s authoritarianism, a free-for-all free expression facing off against fascist dictators and goose-stepping storm troopers everywhere. Exercising All-American civil rights, freewheeling firebugs will take to the public arena with all the honor of David against Goliath to defend our flagging nation and face off against savages who dishonor and disgrace its values.

Our national grandeur matters.

“Burn the Flag Day” pays homage to the true power of free speech. Turning a flag upside down signals distress. Burning the Stars and Stripes signals defiance.

Like Grace Slick sang on the 1969 Volunteers album:

We are forces of chaos and anarchy

Everything they say we are we are

And we are very proud of ourselves.

Instead of remaining passive, take action today to celebrate liberty and justice for all.

Be an outlaw in the eyes of America.

Burn a flag today.